The waiting room fills up quickly.
There is a mother and a father there that look far too old to be having another baby. A women that looks like she is into greenpeace and all that shit. Alternative clothing, all natural woolen fabric and open toed sandals. Not dirty like a total tree hugger, but probably more the Range Rover driving wannabee hippy snob that thinks she is suddenly all green.
Theres the obligitatory teenage mum there too, we will call her shantel just for continuity purposes. She doesnt look much older than my eldest daughter and she has the ned boyfriend, with tracksuit and baseball cap to boot.
Great, just what edinburgh needs, another slice off the gene pool. Some people just should have children, the crime rate would go down in 15 years time.
We finally get called, and the midwife gets us in, scanned and out as quickly as possible.
I was dissapointed we didnt get to hear the heatbeat, but its comforting to see it blinking on the screen.
Its all a little anti climatic, but she gives us two pictures to take home and they are as clear as day.
I can see little face and arms and a leg, or at least thats the basic shape.
Connie goes into to pee and I take a photo of the scan picture on my mobile and send it to Duffer and L. L gets it and replies right away but duffers phones so old it doesnt get mms messages so thats him goosed. He replies in a few days, but thats duffers style. He is a great mate but keeping in touch especially by phone is never his strong point. His calls are usually functional and straight to the point like "awright, hows it going, good, see you the night"
We go home (at last) and i kip on the couch for a few hours, dead to the world.
Big weight of my mind though, the danger period is over
Tuesday 29 April 2008
Saturday 26 April 2008
Scan Day
13 weeks have passed and its time for the scan date.
I am absolutely bricking it as a previous pregnancy didnt have a heart beat.
I recal sitting looking at the kidney bean on the screen and when the midwife called in a staff nurse to look, she explained to us that the baby was effectively dead.
This was before my youngest was born but it still haunts me, strangely I am convinced it was a boy, but probably only because i have three girls.
It haunted me for an age, bad dreams, lots of time of work, almost lost my marriage, you get the idea, a bit of the rails to say the least.
Anyway, its scan day. Times ticking so slowing, it might have well as stopped, people are moving slowly, the traffic has ground to a halt. There is queues and red traffic lights and roadworks every where. Theres more busses on the road, and more nissan micras holding me up than normal. There is no parking spaces at the hospital and a stupid womens car alarm is screaming at me.
To top it all, the clinic is late in opening and there is a queue of mothers and occasional fathers huddled around the automatic doors waiting to get in.
Some of them are filling their lungs (and that of their little ones) with rancid smoke and in my minds eye I cant help seeing little babies choking with the fumes. Ungratefull bitches not knowing what a gift they have been given.
To say im on edge, is an understatement. I am so worried that I have a cold and I have my thickest north face duvet jacket on, waiting for the doors to awaken from their slumber.
I am absolutely bricking it as a previous pregnancy didnt have a heart beat.
I recal sitting looking at the kidney bean on the screen and when the midwife called in a staff nurse to look, she explained to us that the baby was effectively dead.
This was before my youngest was born but it still haunts me, strangely I am convinced it was a boy, but probably only because i have three girls.
It haunted me for an age, bad dreams, lots of time of work, almost lost my marriage, you get the idea, a bit of the rails to say the least.
Anyway, its scan day. Times ticking so slowing, it might have well as stopped, people are moving slowly, the traffic has ground to a halt. There is queues and red traffic lights and roadworks every where. Theres more busses on the road, and more nissan micras holding me up than normal. There is no parking spaces at the hospital and a stupid womens car alarm is screaming at me.
To top it all, the clinic is late in opening and there is a queue of mothers and occasional fathers huddled around the automatic doors waiting to get in.
Some of them are filling their lungs (and that of their little ones) with rancid smoke and in my minds eye I cant help seeing little babies choking with the fumes. Ungratefull bitches not knowing what a gift they have been given.
To say im on edge, is an understatement. I am so worried that I have a cold and I have my thickest north face duvet jacket on, waiting for the doors to awaken from their slumber.
Tuesday 22 April 2008
A little more time later, but still at the beginning.
Told two (elder) friends of mine Norrie & Geordie, that we had a little accident. Norries is a diamond, the man is full of wisdom, generosity and for want of a better word, love. When he talks he has one of these voices that people listed to.
Geordie, is the same but in a different sort of "clip around the ear" sort of way. He doesnt mince his words, but he always has a kind word to say and thats really important.
But, I cant think of someone besides my dad that I respect quite as much as these two. There not mates as such, more fatherly figures. I see them once every two weeks or so, I look forward to it and it keeps me on the level.
Anyways, Norries words were "Son, theres no such thing as accidents, only un-planned events"
I tell as many people as I can that, I just love it and it sums up Norrie to a tea.
Geordies happy too, and he knows where ive been to in the past year, so he's happy that things are on track.
Geordie, is the same but in a different sort of "clip around the ear" sort of way. He doesnt mince his words, but he always has a kind word to say and thats really important.
But, I cant think of someone besides my dad that I respect quite as much as these two. There not mates as such, more fatherly figures. I see them once every two weeks or so, I look forward to it and it keeps me on the level.
Anyways, Norries words were "Son, theres no such thing as accidents, only un-planned events"
I tell as many people as I can that, I just love it and it sums up Norrie to a tea.
Geordies happy too, and he knows where ive been to in the past year, so he's happy that things are on track.
Some time later
Told some close friends today, West, L and Duffer.
West is his ever dipomatic self and offers me a well done and a handshake. He fires blanks now, since getting the snip and I think to myself that Im one up.
L, she is carrying her own spawn of satan and is a month ahead of us, looking forward to sharing baby news with her over the coming months. Cant help thinking I have stole a little of her thunder as its her first baby, but too late now.
Duffer, shoots from the hip (no pun intended) and asks me what the f*** we were playing at, as last year wasnt exactly marrital bliss.
He is suportive however and is pleased enough though, he loves kids and the ones that I have already adore Uncle Duffer. Even the dog likes him more than me.
Told Dad, he is worried. Just because he doesnt really understand babies and stuff. He only had me and broke the mold.
West is his ever dipomatic self and offers me a well done and a handshake. He fires blanks now, since getting the snip and I think to myself that Im one up.
L, she is carrying her own spawn of satan and is a month ahead of us, looking forward to sharing baby news with her over the coming months. Cant help thinking I have stole a little of her thunder as its her first baby, but too late now.
Duffer, shoots from the hip (no pun intended) and asks me what the f*** we were playing at, as last year wasnt exactly marrital bliss.
He is suportive however and is pleased enough though, he loves kids and the ones that I have already adore Uncle Duffer. Even the dog likes him more than me.
Told Dad, he is worried. Just because he doesnt really understand babies and stuff. He only had me and broke the mold.
Day 1
"Andy - come quick "
"What is it, what is it, whats wrong"
"I'm pregnant, I cant be, what are we going to do"
Sure enough the line had gone blue and according to the instructions, it was definately a sign of being up the duff.
All I could think to do was laugh my head off, that sort of nervous uncontrollable, fit of the stoned giggles sort of laugh.
Over the moon, but sort of not too. I thought our days of having more kids was over as we had just started to get a life back. Our youngest was 5 (and a half) and it was going to be back to nappies and sleepless nights.
"What is it, what is it, whats wrong"
"I'm pregnant, I cant be, what are we going to do"
Sure enough the line had gone blue and according to the instructions, it was definately a sign of being up the duff.
All I could think to do was laugh my head off, that sort of nervous uncontrollable, fit of the stoned giggles sort of laugh.
Over the moon, but sort of not too. I thought our days of having more kids was over as we had just started to get a life back. Our youngest was 5 (and a half) and it was going to be back to nappies and sleepless nights.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)